last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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