im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
