i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
