Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
