I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
