You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
