Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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