with your own penis?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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