There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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