How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
