Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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