she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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