I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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