i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
