I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
