I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
