I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I'm always down for nudity.
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