dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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