I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
