Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
