Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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