erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Your penis caused this!
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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