if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
