at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
