you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
