Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
