butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
