Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
