Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
