wanna go halves on a baby?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
