I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
