Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
