you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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