What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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