explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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