Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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