wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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