Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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