shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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