I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
