Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
