So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
There's always time for handjobs
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
