Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
