ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
