I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
