I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
