So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
