i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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