I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Everything about him screamed your future.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
