i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I pour the whiskey from now on
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
