we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
