quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
She's the barista slut.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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