The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
