tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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