Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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