I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I hate your face
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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