He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
A bitchslap is in order.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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