Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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