There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I am available for nakedness
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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