so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
