After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
