So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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