I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
