Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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