Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
