Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
