i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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