is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
