just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
