so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
