i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
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I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
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Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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