it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
