my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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