wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
