He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Randomize
