if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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