D3 body, D1 cock
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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