oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i just had sex bonerless
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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