dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
