Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
