Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
