I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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