would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
