I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
We need to rekindle our bromance
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
