you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
